


fingers stained with coal

by jasthelion



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-10
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2018-03-22 05:07:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3716275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jasthelion/pseuds/jasthelion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Woohyun struggles with his group, his struggles with a pretentious Sunggyu and he struggles with girls.</p>
<p>Originally posted on aff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It wasn't always easy living with six other guys, not really. Especially when it comes to fight over girls. Woohyun doesn't remember when he last felt like the world was being so unfair for him. He doesn't remember crying so hard in front of six other guys. So he lowers his head, wipe his tears once again and goes on. He is alone in the practice room, trying to avoid every member or just everyone he knows. He practice his singing again, in front of a mirror this time. At the end of the song his hands are shaky and his eyes are red.

He then asks himself, is it really worth it? He had always told himself he is too busy for a relationship, that he shouldn't even bother with trying to find a girl. He wishes he could follow his own advice but then again, he wishes he never fell so hard for that noona. He finds a chair to sit on and he pushes his hair out of his forehead, covering his face after.

Any noise was to been ignored. He didn't want to see anyone, he didn't want anyone to come and pat him on the shoulder. He probably knows Sungyeol is watching him from the door, it wouldn't surprise him.

_When Sunggyu dropped the news about being together with Jieun, it felt like Woohyun's whole world stopped for a moment. He couldn't believe his ears. It wasn't enough with Myungsoo snatching Jin straight from him; Sunggyu had to do the same._

_Everyone seems happy for Sunggyu, giving him congratulations and he's smiling. Woohyun though, he doesn't bring himself to even fake a smile. Immediately tears gather around his eyes and he looks around helplessly. He's trying in desperate hopes to find evidences of the whole day being a dream. Dongwoo notices this but says nothing._

_The day had ended with Sunggyu having a black-eye and Hoya as well as Dongwoo holding back Woohyun to stop him. A cheerful mood had dropped within the matter of minutes. Woohyun had never been so mad at Sunggyu before._

The upcoming week had been halted and the boys were given rest. They were told to not leave their dorm unless for practice. Woohyun only did practice, avoiding Sunggyu at any cost. Hoya had tried to watch over Woohyun but soon realised it was no use. All he did was sing and write all day.

When Woohyun comes back to the dorm, he avoids everyone: slinks into the shower and then quickly out when he's done. He's happy he has his own room now, he wasn't sharing with Sunggyu anymore. He hears a knock on the door while he's lying in his bed with a book in his hand. In steps Sunggyu, hints of purple around his left eye and he looks tired as hell.

''Can we talk?'' He asks and Woohyun shakes his head, it's no point, he thinks. It's too late, he thinks.

''There's nothing to say, hyung.'' Woohyun says, keeping his voice calm as he marks his page and closes his book. Sunggyu steps inside and closes the door after him.

''There is.'' Sunggyu says, he's stubborn. He wants to talk, Woohyun realizes and he lowers his head.

''I'm..'' He pauses, taking a deep breath as if to collect himself. ''I'm not interested in talking to you, or anyone at this time, this day.'' Woohyun continues, biting on the inside of his cheeks before he ends off with.

''I'll come around to you, when I feel better.''

''Woohyun, please.. Just talk to me. Tell me how it feels.'' Sunggyu sighs, rubbing the side of his neck. Woohyun presses his lips together and shrugs, not entirely sure if even wants to see Sunggyu here. Sunggyu still has his eyes on Woohyun, waiting for him to say something, anything.

''This isn't some psychology. You're not my psychologist. I don't need to talk, I'm not obliged to tell you how I feel.'' Woohyun said, his voice surprisingly calm as he plays with the edges of the book in his lap.

Though he is considering telling Sunggyu how he feels, why he feels like this. Contemplating.

''Woohyun.'' Sunggyu says, gritting his teeth together as if he's trying to find any reasons valid enough for Woohyun to spill.

"I feel, I feel really upset right now. That's all. I'm sorry I punched you." Woohyun says, this time; his voice is lower. Sunggyu sighs, rubbing the side of his neck slowly.

"Woohyun.. Come on." Sunggyu frowns, he isn't sure of what he's pleading for but this wasn't right. "Did you like her a lot?" Sunggyu continues, his eyes on Woohyun.

Woohyun thinks of an answer, contemplating whether to tell him or not. He did like Jieun a lot but instead of feeling happy when thinking about her, he feels almost disgusted. He wasn't noticed but his stupid  
Hyung was. "I don't like her anymore."

"You're lying." Sunggyu hisses, furrowing his brows together.

Woohyun feels a pang in his chest and a lump arises in his throat, he avoids his hyung's eyes. He had to admit it, Sunggyu would find out anyways. "Yeah." He confesses, his eyes tearing up once again and he looks away from the other male.

"Fucking shit, Woohyun. Why are you lying to me?" Sunggyu asks, there's a genuine concern in his voice.

"It's easier, then you can just move on if you believed me." Woohyun speaks in an almost whisper. "I didn't expect you to start liking her as well, I never knew you hung out with her at all. I mean, I knew you liked her as a fan and such, I just never knew at the same time. If you had told me, I would have backed off. I know you admired her a lot before I actually got to meet her, just not in such manner." Woohyun feels his voice faltering, he's speaking faster, growing more nervous and he feels his heart beating against his chest. He couldn't help but to continue in such a way, spilling his feelings to Sunggyu, just like he wanted him to.

Sunggyu opens his mouth to respond but is interrupted by Woohyun's low voice. "I thought I was in time this once, I didn't want history to repeat itself. That's why I got so mad when you told us. Hyung, I'm so sorry, please believe me, please do." Woohyun ends his sentence, his voice feels shaky, hoarse and his heart like it will jump out from his chest.

Sunggyu is taken back, he's not sure by what but he got what he had asked for, the truth. Woohyun wants to hide, try and gain his self confidence back before he could face Sunggyu again.

Sunggyu thinks that he should leave Woohyun alone but he can't bring himself to, seeing one of his closest friend in tears in front of him. "Woohyun..." He sighs, gently reaching to grab a hold of Woohyun's hand but he only flinched away as he was touched.

"I'm sorry, but please leave me alone now... I spilled it all, I just need space to breathe." Woohyun says, his voice luckily not breaking yet. Sunggyu only sighs and decides to leave.  
Sunggyu can only think of Woohyun's tearfilled face right after he had been punched. the way Hoya and Dongwoo had dragged him to the side to prevent any fight, the way Woohyun had turned and got embraced by Hoya who was trying to soothe him while the rest stood there dumbfounded.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit short.

Three of us, have a girlfriend. Two is about to get one, everyone is waiting for it to happen. I don't know about the sixth one and then there's me. I've been around for a while and at each try, when I'm really close to asking them out, someone from my group manages to come around to take the girl, steal her as if she's an object. It's like I have been forgotten. It hurts. 

One is encouraged to talk about it yet I can't bring myself to speak. It's like I'm scared to. I want to get out these feelings, they only gather in a lump in my throat before I swallow them down again. Let it out, they say. I'm scared or so it seems. I don't think I can handle being accused for not being fast enough. I was busy and now I'm just suffering the consequences.


	3. Chapter 3

Woohyun sighs. He thinks, wonders if it’s worth it. Getting out there, leave work alone for a while and perhaps find someone. He smiles at the thought and taps his pen against his wooden desk. It’s probably not worth it. His career has brought it him profound joy and he can’t ask for more. Or can he? 

Sunggyu steps inside his room. It’s been months since he’s got together with Jieun. Woohyun is happy for them. 

’’Woohyun?’’ He asks, remaining by the door. 

’’Hm?’’ Woohyun keeps his eyes on the pile of papers spread out over his desk and quickly turns the paper containing desires, things he wants. Things in a relationship. He starts scribbling on the backside, drawing clouds. 

’’I just wanted to check on you.’’ Sunggyu says as he moves inside, stepping over to Woohyun. 

Woohyun chuckles lightly and folds the said paper from before, shoving it aside and then grabs a new one. He then starts writing down things, less interesting as the ones on the other paper. Things he can’t forget, work things. You know. 

’’What is there to check on, Gyu?’’ Woohyun asks, looking up at the other with a smile. He gets a light punch to his shoulder for dropping the honorifics and he laughs lightly. 

’’You know, what you’re doing.’’ Sunggyu says and scrunches his nose up a bit. 

’’I’m just scribbling, really.’’ Woohyun shrugs and lets his pen down to the surface. At this, Sunggyu raises an eyebrow and nods slowly. That is when he grabs the folded note on the side and peeks inside. 

’’What’s this?’’ Sunggyu grins and unfolds the paper, noticing the look on Woohyun’s face only makes him more eager to see what’s actually written down. 

Woohyun’s eyes widen and he reaches to grab the note, he fails when Sunggyu backs away and starts reading it out loud for the both of them. 

’’Cuddles? Silly coffee dates, kisses, hugs, holding hands, falling asleep together and movie marathons.’' Sunggyu almosts laughs as he reads the list out loud. 

’’Have you heard about privacy?!’’ Woohyun hisses and stands up from his chair, snatching his paper back from Sunggyu and shoves it down into his jeans pocket. 

’’You should have thought about that when you dropped the hyung.’’ Sunggyu laughs lightly and retreats his hands to his sides, hooking his thumbs into his pockets. 

Woohyun doesn’t know what to say, dragging his hands frustratedly over his hair as he turns away from his hyung, he is at loss of words. He frowns and thinks of a way to bite back, to show he’s upset but he remains silent. 

’’Besides, you can hardly get that in a relationship as boygroup member. It’s not even easy getting a girlfriend in this business.’' Sunggyu says, his voice lower than before. There’s tension in the air and nothing is fun anymore. 

Woohyun feels as if his hyung is bragging, trying to say he has managed to hard task as a boyband member while he himself hasn’t. Woohyun keeps his back to him. 

There’s seconds before Sunggyu speaks up. ’’I’ll leave you then, time to check on someone else.’’ He says lightheartedly and aims for the door, leaving Woohyun alone. 

He glares at the door before he fishes out the note from his pocket, angrily tearing it into small parts before he tosses them down the trash can.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The song in italics is by Hurts, called Guilt.
> 
> Sungjong makes an appearance.

A few months later, Woohyun has a girlfriend. Her name is Sujin and she’s probably the sweetest girl he knows. His heart beats faster just thinking about her. But it never hit him how busy he can get until a few months into their relationship. 

 

He sits by his desk and thinks. 

   


Sujin always told him she understood why he was so busy. She said she always understands. ’’Don’t worry, Woohyun-ah.’’ 

 

They had been together for about five months, she’s counting and he is counting as well. Woohyun scratches the side of his necks and starts writing. 

 

He writes about how much he likes her, how many times she runs through his mind a day. He tells her to be strong even though he knows she already is. He really likes her.

 

_Darling, you won’t even notice I’m gone._

_You’ll be happy I’m gone, I promise._

 

Woohyun keeps writing and at the end he throws his pencil away and covers his face. He’s frustrated. He feels his eyes burn from holding back tears. 

 

’’Hyung?’’ He hears Sungjong and he wipes whatever tears there are and pushes the paper away from him. He hopes it’ll melt in with the other scribbles he has. 

 

The sound of sock clad feet coming over is the only thing he can hear and he refuses to say anything. Sometimes he hates living with all these guys, but at some times it’s a great comfort. Right now he doesn’t know what he wishes for. 

 

’’Hyung what is it?’’ Sungjong asks worriedly as he is now closer, one hand resting gently on Woohyun’s shoulder. 

 

Woohyun freezes on the spot, he feels too paralyzed to even look up at Sungjong and decides it’s the best to just say it right out. 

 

’’I’m a waste of time.’’ Woohyun says, in a voice much lower and shaken than he had expected. Sungjong tightens his grip on his shoulder and Woohyun can’t help but to continue. 

 

’’I don’t see why we’re even together. I don’t see why I even tried. I should…’’ Woohyun pauses and takes a deep breath. ’’I’m going to break up with her, I was stupid. Still am.’’ Woohyun chuckles, it sounds sad. 

 

’’Hyung, don’t say things like that.’’ Sungjong tries, thinks of words to comfort his hyung but it isn’t always easy. Especially when it comes off guard, Sungjong wasn’t prepared for such a confession.

 

’’I should have dropped every hope of a relationship.’’ Woohyun says after a while and rubs his forehead, staring down at the desk. He rests his elbows to his desk before he reaches for the paper lying among the others and he grabs it. Looks at it. 

 

’’Hyung.. Try to be optimistic.’’ Sungjong mutters and Woohyun can feel the same tension he does now, like the one he did a few months ago with Sunggyu in the room, mocking his want for a relationship. 

 

’’I see nothing to be optimistic about. I’m wasting her time.’’ Woohyun replies back with an equally low voice before he wipes away a single tear. Just thinking about it is horrible enough. 

 

Sungjong sighs, realizing there’s not much he can do if it’s going to continue like it is already. He scratches the side of his neck and lightly plays with his hyung’s hair, feeling a tad hopeless seeing how he doesn’t know how he can help. 


	5. Chapter 5

Because I look at you and see a future.  
Because I look at you and I feel warmth in my heart.  
Because I look at you and you make me smile.  
Because I look at you and I want to embrace you.  
Because I look at you and want to keep you.  
Because I look at you and I want to protect you.  
Because I look at you and feel it hurt.  
Because I look at you and you’re so beautiful.  
Because I look at you and I feel guilt.  
Because I look at you and regret what I did not do.  
Because I look at you and I feel tears gathering.  
Because I look at you and wished I could rewind to when it was good.  
Because I look at you and I wonder if you’re happy.  
Because I look at you and realize I can’t stop loving you.  
Because I look at you and I think of an impossible future.  
Because I look at you and see an end, not an and.   
Because…


	6. Chapter 6

You know when you have a really heavy feeling on your shoulders. It keeps you from looking up and all you see is your feet leading you somewhere you don't know. It's scary, you feel the great pressure on you. 

Pressure just from yourself and no one else. You're paranoid, you don't know what is right or what is wrong. You hear whispers behind your back, saying things about you. You look back and there's no one there. You begin to wonder if you're going crazy. 

You're scared, you want to cry because you don't know who actually appreciates your company but you hope, and you pray every night that the one you talk to likes you. If one is annoyed by your presence, then others must be too.  
It makes your heart flutter, thinking about friends. 

But you're lonely, you swallow your tears and your words. You continue passing unnoticed. Eyes see you but no one pays attention to the scrawny figure with their head low.


	7. Chapter 7

With his fingers playing with the telephone cord, Woohyun is hopeful as he dials in the number to her. But he stops abruptly, pressing the end call button and lets the telephone down on the spot. 

Woohyun presses his lips together into a thin line and thinks about her smile. His heart aches thinking about her and he almost feels the urge to pick the phone again. 

The house phone was always a bit nicer to make a call through. His mobile seems so icy. So cold. Hello, I’m going to tell you I love you with this piece of metal pressed to my ear. Hello, will you answer me?

Woohyun rubs his forehead and thinks about going away from the phone. Leave it and just never do it. Never ever think about it again. Love is useless, love is rare. 

But Woohyun doesn’t want to leave it, he wants to stay there and wait until he has the courage to pick it up, dial her number and tell her he loves her. 

But he rubs his cheek a bit before he drops his hand to his side. That’s when Woohyun realizes how useless it is. Sunggyu-hyung and all his speeches about love and how rare it is, Woohyun thinks about them. 

Sunggyu is always been right, even when he’s cuddling away with his girlfriend in her apartment. That’s when he also realizes something else. 

That’s when he realizes that he’s always been so unlucky when it comes to relationship. Hoya managed, Sungyeol managed and Woohyun wants to manage. He wants to kiss someone goodnight, he wants to be stupid with someone. He wants to feel lost in love. What he doesn’t want is to lose another girl to some other guy. Third time’s a charm? Fuck you. 

Woohyun thinks. He thinks whether or not he should pick up the phone, leave a voice message and try to be a bit brave. That’s when he remembers Sunggyu’s words again. ’’It’s a waste of time.’’ and Woohyun feels a stab in his heart. 

He traces the telephone with his fingers and then shakes his head. It’s useless. The ache in his heart grows duller and Woohyun takes a deep breath. 

Woohyun wipes a single tear away before he walks away from the phone, leaving everything he had to say in an invisible box there as well. Letting it burn down, because he will never say those words. 


	8. Chapter 8

Woohyun looks at her and she smiles, he wishes he could return the smile. He can’t. It feels as if almost every time he meets up with her, Sunggyu whispers in the back of his head that it’s not worth it. He does his best to push it away, to push the voice away. To drown them out with her voice, to hear her instead. Usually it works, but this time, Sunggyu’s voice stays echoing in his ear. 

It was when he grabbed his jacket to leave the dorm that Sunggyu called his name, asking him where he’s going. Woohyun had tensed up, his grip on his jacket tight and he looks over to his hyung. ’’Don’t waste time with her, there’s other things to do.’' Sunggyu had said and Woohyun had pushed himself, forced himself to put on his jacket and make his way outside. It was harder than he had expected. What other things were there to do on a free day? 

As he had made his way down the stairs, his phone had been in his hand and he had contemplated on calling her and telling her he wouldn’t be able to show up. If he did, he wouldn’t even be sure of where he would go. Maybe to his parents? Woohyun furrows his brows in thought. He kept wondering if Sunggyu’s right, if he should just turn back. But he didn’t. 

Now, he’s sitting on her couch, she’s resting her head on his shoulder and they have their hands laced together. Woohyun tells himself he should be enjoying this, just spending a day off with her, but he struggles to take Sunggyu off his mind. Sujin squeezes his hand and he hadn’t noticed she was looking at him. The way she stares at him, it tells him she’s worried and he swallows thickly before he looks away from her. 

’’What’s the matter?’’ She asks and Woohyun can’t bring himself to tell the truth. He wants to, he’s tried several times. Every attempt has gone downhill. He shakes his head at her question before he forces a smile. He tells her it’s nothing. 

She shifts closer and presses a kiss to his cheek and he draws his hand back from their hold together. He heaves a sigh and leans forward on the couch, resting his elbows on the knees. 

’’I’m sorry, noona,’’ he says, he knows he had to do it eventually. He feels her hand on his back and he looks down as he presses his fingers into his palms. 

’’What’s going on Woohyun? You’re not being yourself,’’ she says and he could almost hear the frown in her voice. He feels guilty for keeping their relationship. He can’t bring himself to keep her away from other, guys better than him. 

’’I…’’ Woohyun begins, the word get caught in his throat and he can’t say it. He knows he has to, to free her. To not waste her time. The presence of her hand on his back is gone and digs his nails into his palms. Just the thought of not being with her anymore hurts. 

’’Woohyun…” Sujin begins and he wonders if she knows. He wonders if she knows he’s going to break up her. 

’’Let’s just end things, I’m… I don’t know how to say this,” Woohyun almost chuckles but he stops himself, he knows he is going to lie. ”I don’t have any feelings for you anymore.” He manages, he had forced himself to say it. It had to be done, he thinks. 

”You’re breaking up with me?” Sujin asks and Woohyun stands up, heads from the couch to her front door. He glances back at her quickly before he nods a good few times. He hates himself for breaking up with her. Once he gets back to the dorm, he will lock himself into his room. He’s not going to come out for a while. 

’’Yes, yes I’m breaking up with you,” Woohyun says with another nod as he reaches to get his shoes off the shoe-stand by the door. He doesn’t look at her but he knows she’s followed him to the door. He pulls on his shoes before he looks up at her. He tells himself, if there’s going to be any credibility in the situation, he has to look at her. 

”That’s… not really unexpected, you know,” she says and Woohyun tenses up. His gaze falters from her and he finds himself at loss of words. He presses his lips into a thin line as he grabs his jacket. 

’’It was nice while it lasted though,” he tells her as he pulls his jacket on. He looks at her one last time and he doesn’t want to leave her standing there. He wants to hug her, kiss her and keep her close. He tries his best to keep his expression straight and he forces himself to look away from her. 

”I guess,” he hears her say and he knows that if he stayed any longer, he would probably feel tears build up. So he opens the door and walks out, closing it after him. The thought of not having a girlfriend bothers him. He thought a girlfriend would bring him lights of joy into his life, he didn’t expect it to drag him down. 

On the way back to the dorm, he observes his environment. He wonders if the city always was this dull, or if it was just a reflection of his mind. He thinks it’s both. It has to be both. 

It’s Sunggyu, of course it Sunggyu who he first sees when he gets back. He wants to laugh, he thinks it’s pathetic. His hyung looks at him, asks what’s wrong and he wants to laugh at how dumb the question is. But he doesn’t. 

’’I just broke up with Sujin, that’s all,” he says with a shrug as he kicks his shoes off and hangs his jacket up. Sunggyu tilts his head and Woohyun only stares at him. 

’’I thought you were happy with her?’’ He’s asked and Woohyun feels conflicted. A part of him wants to punch Sunggyu yellow and blue but the other only wants to laugh. He does neither, much to his disappointment. 

’’Something told me I wasn’t,” Woohyun shrugs and pushes past Sunggyu to head to his room. 

As he gets to his room, Woohyun sits himself on the floor with his back leaning against the wall. That’s when he lets his first tears fall. He had tried his best to not let them, but now he’s alone. He figured he might as well. Sujin won’t know he cried after breaking up with her. He doesn’t want to cry, he didn’t want to break up with her. He wipes his tears away, brings his knees closer to his chest and stays there. His heart aches, his head hurts and it feels as if pain rushes through his blood.


End file.
